While most people are just getting home from their night out of dinner and drinks on this lovely Friday night (well, Saturday morning if your technical), I have been home all evening. My son went to sleep at 7pm, and after cleaning up my kitchen, I settled in to ice/heat my aching back and catch up on this past season of Law & Order SVU while cuddling with my dog. So, there I am, minding my own business when I see a huge (HUGE.) insect come toward my face. Naturally, I fling my unsuspecting chihuahua on to the floor as I jump off the couch screaming and promptly remove (rip off) my sundress for fear that the bug somehow made it into my clothing. Now, in my bra & undies (hey now.), I am searching for the culprit that almost gave me a heart attack. I see it crawwwwling, jummmping under my coffee table.....Cave Cricket. Not just any cave cricket, the freakin' king of all cave crickets. This thing was gigantic. I grabbed my slipper and threw it at the beast, and it jumped under the couch. I ran into my bedroom to grab a flashlight and then went into the kitchen to get some paper towels so I could clean this thing's carcas up after I was done killing it. I turn on the kitchen light and it's THERE. I swear, there was freaky, Norman Bates- Psycho, music playing in my head when I saw it on my kitchen floor. I mean, I was gone for 1 minute and the thing traveled 2 rooms. It then proceeds to jump toward me. I then proceed to loose my shit. I think I actually said "Come at me, bro" out loud. I ran to my bookshelf and started to throw everything book from "What to Expect when You're Expecting" to "Black Hawk Down" at it trying to smoosh it from afar. It kept averting my attack. I needed something stronger. So, I ran to my bathroom and got the bottle of Windex from under my bathroom sink. Windex is usually my weapon of choice for killing bugs (and cleaning mirrors). I know it's a little My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but it works...ammonia gets stuff done. I start to spray. A lot. I keep hitting this creature, yet it keeps moving. I continue throwing books, and every once in a while I scream when it jumps toward me. Finally, after my kitchen smells like a sanitized hospital and many books have been thrown (see above photo, this is after I picked up all the books from the floor) I finally hit the SOB. Smushed. Dead. Now, it lies under a copy of Anthony Bourdain's "A Cook's Tour" and a large orange tupperwear. The tupperwear is just a precaution in case it decides to get all zombie on me overnight. Now, for my signature move....I will leave the cricket/book/tupperwear Triple Decker there until my husband picks it up in the morning. He's such a lucky guy.
So, this was my exciting Friday night- Exhausting.
And through my obvious craziness, the slamming of books and the occasional scream...my son is still fast asleep. Always have to look on the bright side....
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